cold lines

Snow drops melt
To form a trace of their existence
On my window panel
Im freezing …
With no one to melt me back
To what I was made of

Im stung by the freshness
Nature is offering me
Making my nose all pink n cold
Something different
Something I chose as my dream

Im working hard to get off this feeling
Of loneliness and misery
After all, this is what I wanted to study
The elements of nature
In its raw stature

I brace my self up
To face all that life has scripted for me
In this chilly place
Be it snow drops or waves

If it is my dream it is meant only for me…

rUdEnEsS pErSoNiFiEd

A rude world is what I see ….all sides all dimensions …..No fear …just plain rude …want their work done ….no kind of extra interest or knowledge in anybody else’s work
….the very purpose of living is undefined for them …
‘Mam, I want an answer sheet’....’yes one second let me sign it and give you’…’mam I want answer sheet NOW’ is what I heard today ...in my examination room …the poor old teacher didn’t even have time to stop and explain to the girl her difficulty in walking fast and just thrust it at her neighbor to pass it on …I just spaced off during my exam thinking..How rude can the world get …is there some kind of limit or were we just born to achieve our own needs? then the buzzer rang indicating the completion of an hour and I had two hours more and I hadn’t even finished 20% of the paper …so my consciousness
Got the better of me and I did finish the paper well before the others …

But really …does anything go thru the person when they are being rude...Or is it just instinct …or in the genes …or just carelessness...Don’t they ever feel alone...Uncared for …get headaches …don’t they ever be inefficient or are they perfection personified all the time ?

Does anyone feel the way I do about a particular thing? …no…every person is made with different steel within …that’s what makes this world bearable …other than the usual traumas ….’teachers don’t mean what they say when they are cross with you’ Is one of da MOST common sayings in mah school …well at least that’s what my friends say to comfort me the umpteen number of times my project gets shouted at or my inability to remember that particular answer !...but DO they ? Shouldn’t they be knowing the best interests of the child …haven’t they ever done something wrong in their schooldays …do they know the traumas of today …the vagaries of my heart.the loud thudding of my saintly heart when it senses fear when images of circuit diagram flow like a motion picture confusing me at different frequencies by the growing minute in my sleep?

Huh… try answering them ye all …one of my best friends just went through an operation before da exams and still was forced to write the paper and yupp she has managed to write all the papers ….that’s what my school expects ….puke or die ….YOU HAVE TO WRITE WRITE WRITE …yeah that lill twist turning into a smile might come on your face but that’s reality for me and well yeah might sound innocent and normal …but you know what ….

IT’S ANOTHER BOWL OF RUDENESS I HAVE TO SWALLOW EVERYDAY

diwali dhamaka

diwali ...i like the way it's spelt to the way its celebrated ...everything about it ...usually i fall sick on all important days ..my bday ...pongal ..diwali ..etc ...but for a change this diwali my immune system showed its true inner strength n i managed without any particular illness ....enjoyed every bit of it
started the celebrations the day before diwali itself ...waited for my sister to turn up after work by painting diyas...watching tv.....mostly ndtv lol ....n yeah my sis came at last n we started putting flowers over the rangoli designs in the entrance of mah house n all ...then slept around 12 ...got up at like 6 am ...little late for my family waking up time tho ...(thts like 4 am on diwali n all)...
then sat thru pooja without fidgeting that much !....sang a song also ...i think i saw the gods closing their ears hehe ...then came all the hallaboo bout how we wer all looking in our brand new outfits ..lol i was called the 'Id' girl ...cuz well ...mine was a strawberry pink salwar stitched punjabi style and wore silver accessories so kinda looked like i was fasting lol so well the name just stuck on for a while
then came the bursting of crackers ..dint wanna ...but had to ..sigh wen do things happen myway !...then we went to mah uncs house ..tried to catch some stuff on tv but missed all the importan shows so jus lazed around for a change ...
ha then it became like evening n we went for early dinner to park shereton ...sigh dint like one bit of it ...but dint loose much saw actor prasanna (tamil)..yeah hes kinda toned down so lol was pretty much happy ...n yeah before tht we visited mah other gran's house ...me made a bag for her out of handmade chart paper ..hehe poor gran n filled it up with cadbury's stuff
then came back like ten ...sunk into bed n dassol !

neway had a great diwali ...n hope all of ya had a good time n watched all da programs on tv unlike me
neway see ya n keep well
manasa

i,me,myself. again

um well hilary duff fans (excluding me)
dont get ngry wid the following poem ...kinda in line with her song which goes 'i am'

I am

A weirdo
A psychic
A sport
A creep
A poet
Wonderful
A worthless pile of mosquito droppings
A quieto
A creative pile of god’s junk
A verbal tissue
A terrible reminder of sins
A heart throb’s nightmare
A scare crow
An athlete
A movie buff
A singer in my own rights
An admirer of me
A Leo
A constant trouble to everyone
A predictor with a capital p
A bored humdrum
A cruiser thru my dreams
An achiever
A pig
A bore
A winner
A basketball player
A dancer in my own rights
A contributor to this world
A sicko
A non-workaholic
A last minute worker
Stagnant
A mood lifter
A spoiler of the same
An enthusiast

………………

I am me

wIsHiEs

Wish I cld make things better for ya
Wish I could change your world

Wish I could take charge of things
Wish I could make it all all right

Wish I could have made things better
Wish u hadn’t moved on

Wish I could have moved on with you
Wish I could take things back to what it was

Wish I could hold on to this loud silence between us
Wish u never go away

Wish I still form a part of your strongest muscle
Wish I could remove you from mine

Wish I could take care of myself
Wish I could take care of you

Wish we had ended off in the beginning
Wish it weren’t the beginning of an end

A pOeTiC TuNe tO mAh FeEliNgs

I’m in this world,
Where my fingers know
More than my mind
My heart, a vivid watcher

My imaginations,
My feelings
My desires
Take the full throttle front seat

It’s this feeling that keeps me,
Little of the sane I am
Or else what else cld have motivated me
Of all people to design a small part
Of winter collection for a show

If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got an A grade
In the language in writing in

If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got such great friends
To my credit

If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have danced the right leg
To the right tune
To win the dance prize

If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have done half the things
I’m getting credit for

If it weren’t for this feeling
I wouldn’t be me ....

me against (as usual) myself

i want myself back
i want all dat i had back

im selfish
and i dont like to lose
especially in the game called life

i want to be the person i was
i want the people
who were, in the past, right next to me

i dont get it
how can i not be
if god himself is so selfish

im no angel im no devil
i cant hold back my pain, my tears,
my soul for so long

im breaking down
tearing apart
hating myself

i want myself back
i just want
what i had before

what i loved before
what i enjoyed before
who i cared for before

who i loved before
where i lived before
i became like this

i want my life back
please.god

~worthless~utterance~

sometimes u have to push urself to do some stuff ..immaterial of whether u wanna do it or not ....i did experiance this a while back ...i guess wayyyyyyyy while back ...i was forced to join basketball ..a cool game in its own way ...i joined bb coaching in 5th standard ...one word of objection n one whole controversy ...so better silence than severe words ....i shut... i played ....i played well ..
then mah team mates got jealous ..the usual cat comments cat fights wtv happened ...i din give one shit ...i was innocent
....i was one of the few hoo got recognition from mah bloody coach ....i din no he was so #$#@$%$&^&*@#!@ at tht time ....as usual ...favourites r not meant to stay ..i moved on ....or rather down according to him ....n pari replaced me ...i stood by the side ...silent ...inconspicuous ...vertically inclined ....silent again
i played along ...helped ....she converted ....i passed she converted ....i praised ...it got into her head......n all coach has got to say is ...DONT ATTEMPT ..PASS IT TO 'HER'....N YEAH RUN ...
we won the match today .. wid me chucked out in the first quarter ...praying wid all my fingernails bit to the very end ...praying wid my full heart ...mah coach jus sat down after two quaarters saying HE LOST HIS HOPE ...damniiit all of us got up n cheered on wid the score cards readin 0-9 ....fervent prayers screamin out of mah lungs...without mah own conciousness ....a hundred mispasses ...a 1000 erratic attempts n yeah we won ...
i dont want one heck of the damn glory shared by pari n s.u(another team mate) or poornima or shwetha ...i jus want ppl to realize
i want ppl to realize ...its not abt throwing out a team mate jus cuz she made two erratic attempts ,....n keeping in a #$#%#$^% player even if she takes 48727349834938 attempts ..one not reachin the basket ...its not abt passin mean comments .. its not abt playing ur best ..

its all bout trusting a person ...trusting to the extent tht u know she'll never letcha down ...keeping her weakness a shadow n not aa a sunshade ...its bout beleiving in ur team mates ...till the nth second ....its bout letting ur team mate call on ur cell even tho u know its gonna cost u all the rechrge uve got ...

its all bout putting ur heart to it

life undefined

That bulging curiosity …that fervor to kill someone …tht first second glance …that desire to hug someone but u know u its not possible ..that killer instinct that popped out of nowhere land….that emotion that makes ya wanna write ….that burning feeling when someone takes credit for what uve done ….that melting feeling when Jesse sings in my pod…that that heart crushing moment when u realize u cant love someone ….that nerve wracking moment when u know the answer but it just went next door leaving ya blank …that heart clenching moment when that small kid jumps to protect her father in crash …that he-cant-get-any-more-sweeter moment when shah rukh khan is on screen before he dies in kal ho na ho …..That tear-wellin moment whenya realize ur friend did something which is beyond cute for u …….

Well these r some moments which ive put together to define my life

tHaT nIgHt

That night you looked at me
Everything looked right, just then
Just right

That night you pointed at one star
And said it was like us
Always shining, everyday without fail

I felt so good
Right there next to ya
Spending a lazy dusk, happily

I looked at you
All my worries, fears ran away
Right then I knew

I knew you were THE one for me
You cld change me back to who I deserve to be
After a huge trauma, u made me me

I wish I cld see you again
I pray for you safety
In that lovely place

That lovely place called heaven
You are now only mah guardian angel
But will never really be my very own

Tears fall down, full fledge
No use, I can see
Heartbroken, life taken ovah by thgts

Thgts that are the only memoir
Of you and who I used to be
I am clueless

I am clueless when I see
Doe-eyed couples holding hands
And walkin around da park

Walking around like they rule da world
Life is all they want, in the end
The assumptious THE one means nothing to them

I know no one can be like us
Cuz in the end
Our star is still shining, everyday, non-stop

bLoOdY cArInG

Why the hell do I care so much?
All I get in the end
Is nothing as such
Just tears, a gift to redeem my emotions

Wish I could just throw it all away
And get on with life
But I then again I follow the same routine way
Just to get kicked by the thorns of hearts

I might have asked for someone
To care share n feel n all tht
But well by calling u honey bun
Friends are the worst heart breakers

You can’t throw them away
You can’t keep ‘em either
Once you’re into this play
Ur jus left all alone, stranded

Family sounds like home sweet home
After a huge vacation
But all it does is like venom
Makes ya grope for life as was before

Suffocation tension stress
Key words to pass this exam
You’re left in a mess
Thinking its better to flunk

It’s kind of like this addiction
You wanna tell her something so bad
But it’s all written down in fiction
Leading to nothing but isolation n pain

Once Ur with them
U feel all’s right in da world
Until they betray ya behind Ur stem
While your left screamin in self agony

Oh crap why do I care so much?
Why can’t I take this feeling away?
This tantalizing freaky clutch
Over all things uve ever, going to, and are feeling?

my THE ONE please

Washing machine at work
Chugs down what is thrown at it
With utmost ease
I stare at it trying to stay fit

I tap my fingers
Trying to chill
I’m pushed into reality
Without a resistance pill

Those times
Is what I think of nowadays
To forget ‘em …
Fretting freaking n screamin r mah ways

Wish there was a person
For myself
To if not change things for the better
At least gimme the power to engulf

Sure he wld go mad
But then what’s the point
To stay away from mah miseries
And claim to love n disappoint

He could be
The world’s biggest freak
He could
Have an orrible physique

All I want is someone
to care share n feel
to soothe my soul….
Of all things…heal

ode to mah cutest friends

Have I ever told you
How much you mean to me
Even though we talk via chat
N express thru emoticons?

Sometimes I wish
You were right in front of me
To tell you to trouble you
To make u cry why u were born

Sometimes I wish it wld stay the same
We chatting via chat
So Tht at least what we share remains
Even though its thru a monitor

Have I ever toldya
Tht there r times when
What uve told me
Has kept me awake all night

Either making me smile
Or makin me feel all’s right in da world

When the times when u don’t feel right
I feel like touchin this cold monitor
And wishing it wld dissolve
And show the correspondin side

There r also times when ive cried
In front of this comp telling u what ive been thru
Or crying thinking
How more sweet you can get

There r more times when ive fallen down
Laughing at u or with u
Feeling all mah trbles evaporating

The words we have shared ….
Has made my heart to care
Even though I cant count
The miles ur away from me


No wer else I can feel this way
Caring sharing freakin day by day by day

when i was

when i was 5 years ...i wanted to be like my father ..a brave advocate ...won every he dealt with ...
when i was 6 years ...i wanted to be like my teacher ...english teahcer ...raji mam ..she was chooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee n still my fav teacher evahhhhhhhhhhhhh

when i was 7 years...i wanted to be like my then friend nivedha ..she was so perfect in everything ...i wanted to be a replica of her

when i was 8years ...i wanted to be like anya ..an old friend again ...confident ....like the world belonged to her
when i was 9 years ...i joined my nu school aka dav ..i wanted to be like rashmi ..still a good friend of mine ...sincere innocent ...loving

when i was 10 yrs ...i wanted to be like this senior of mine called anjanakshi ...she was like ultra uber cool ...n was in her twelfth ..she was like god to me

when i was 11 ...major takeover for me ...into the sixth ..now my school was all girls school after sixth ..so i was all for all girls stuff n stupid things ...n used to love my then social teacher girija mam .... i was an admirer..
when i was twelve ..i was a very very weird girl ...did weird stuff..got into weird moods ...but well basically remained sane ...i had a crush on this HUGELY STUPID GUY ...n am still wonderin how i clda fallen for him !..but still i used to admire him tht time ..cant take it away !sigh

when i was thirteen ...i was like so excited fr everything ...leaving me tired and angry ...mad i was ..i used to admire my sc teacher ronita mam ...mannn EVERY SINGLE DRESS OF HERS ..SHE HAD A MATChN PAIR OF ACCESSORIES ...lol we made her sing kabhi alvide na kehna (old song) tht time ..mannnn it was awesummmmmmmmmmmm thts why im like so crazy behind this nu srk movie

when i was fourteen stresseddddddddddddd days ...ninth std ...record submissions ..bla bla...showin off wid mah lab coats ...lol ...got nu friends ...admired them then ...same level now too ....

when im gonna be fifteen ...i wanna be me ...i wanna prove myself ...to me ....wanna show off my talents ...get into WEIRD moods everr so often ...feel like killin myself at times ....get all tired out for sports practise sessions ..
now i admire me ...now i admire my emotional health ..i admire my depressions ...i admire 'things' n not people whoo go thru them ...cuz im goin thru much more than all ppl i wlda mentioned above ...maybe not as much as they r goin thru ...but atleast i have never gone thru so much way back from wen i was born until now ...staring into space drin the free times tht i get ...writin out crappy stuff like this whenver my math load is lesser compared to the day bfore...
i can go onnnn
but well dont watcha to fall on knees n beg me to stop ...hehe have tht much respect for ya ..
teeeeceeee
manasa

a stressed princess's story

a broken heart
a measly whisper
trying hard to get
out of this life a crisper

torn between two worlds i am
one,a lovely blissful one
no tensions no expectations
no one weighin on me a ton

another ...a stressed out invitation
neither am i able to reject or accept it
stuck in between
im just sitting around, hard hit

i shut my eyes tightly
my only means of evading fear
but still mah heart thumps away
sensing a tear

i move around
read a mag
listen to flipsyde
nothing happens
my eyes sag

raindrops come down
hard n forcefully
i stare at it
thinking cynically

why do i always feel,in this world
like an unwanted pound


all i say
adds upto a feeble sound ...

aS ThE TeaR fLoWs

a crushed soul i was wen i was seven ....seven yrs of pure innocence ...nothing to do ....jus njoy ur chilhood....many say childhood lasts till bout like 12 ...but nope ...not for me at least

i was shook back into reality when a loved one left me forever ...a person who i used to love...trust...trouble...shout at ...and in the end hug ....things changed i was thrust into a new school ...a very strict school compared to mah lovely lill old one ...yeah i have found GREAT friends ...via telephone ...via partnering via internet ...via writing ....n i dont even wanna count em ...now when im on the brink of fourteen years gonna b fifteen ...im faced wid challenges ....

pressure to study ...pressure to outshine...pressure to excel in everything except what im good at ....n oh yeah DEAl with the partiality mah school is known for ..no im not trying to put mah school down or nething ..its been a great number of years here ...won medals won friends ....got a hundred ..dealt with the 99s ...now im sighing ...a back ache ..a head ache ...filled with regret cuz im not able to concentrate on what am good at ...yet to make a decision on life ...journalist or designer ...commerce or science ...shld i show off mah dancing n writing skills even wen im put down by so called seniors ???

yeah i know ull be facing much more pressures than me ...pressures uncalled for ..

but first i hafta deal with myself n then get to know the tuffs faced by ya

im still grouching around ..wishing i cld die ....but staying alive for what i have acheived ...for people who have made me come so far ...for the things i might get to do later on in life ...

glowing globe

A gleaming globe around me
Separating me from the rest of the world
From the miseries, sorrows, torture n trauma


I get to have all the fun
No payback time
No installment for happiness
Nothing called a tear

I smile with a glowing face
My body accustomed to mechanism
Rolling and flowing
Along with the varying variety of mankind

I peer through windows
To see the various withdrawals taking place
Do in-depth analysis of the the human feelings
Weird hallucinations
All at one go

Sometimes I wish I could break it
For the suspense is killing me
Or other times I think
Of what miracle ive done to achieve this boon

dull tones

A bright sunshine
A day to myself

This little stream trickles down
My feet playing in n out of it

All my fears...Miseries
Blocked out n locked in a dreaded corner

My happiness fuelling me again
A once in a lifetime feeling

A bird chirps so cutely
The only living voice ive heard in a while

Shutting myself out to race a deadline
Is what ive been doing,
Depriving me of human connections

As my wet, wrinkled feet trudge down
I drink a steaming coffee

Thinking about what I have done so far
Not something everyone knows about

But some people know… who I care about
And who are a reason for my mere existence

I pull my hair back
And breathe fresh air, life, and energy back into my soul

To keep me going …
To make me beat that deadline

the harsh world

This is how this world
Looks like to me
A test to prove my skills yet untapped
Another just to prove to myself
What im made of

The skill testing exam …
Looks more worth while to others
‘Others’….who don’t care how I go about in life
Were we made to be so indifferent?
Or do we suffice with what we are led on to?

Sometimes I wish I were an angel….
To change the machinery of this world
To let others know what satisfaction one can get
When she helps a person through that extra mile of struggle

But other times I wish things were just the same
So that …the cruelty, the harshness
Of this format available on this earth
Grows tired of itself and gives up
Or either gets wiped out for its own good

One day …all this will come to a close
A close that will witness a new opening
To something new but very much possible
Something which can change the meaning of living
Where we can live with our hearts not under security blankets

buh byeee
manasa

a today or tommorow world

When the sun shines
And u feel nothing can go wrong
Think again…cuz for others
It aint sunshine, daisies, and a song

Yeah, all the time u neednt think bout others
Once in a while u too deserve a break
From this strenuous world, concerned only about excelling
In this process many hearts get hurt, except the ones fake

Wake up today, right now
To realize the indifference off this world
To you, and other fellow beings
To whom issues not concerning them are blurred

Dream of a tomorrow
Which could possibly not exist
As we are the sixth age to be wiped out
And probably have to start over again from a measly cyst

Think again, when you hurt somebody
Forget the pressures …cuz in the end
Human evolution will be a closed chapter
a……misshaped but ever shining gem


hope ya liked it
tata tc
manasa