Too long a wait for my next post huh ? ahh well i know im just talking to the wall so thats ok :) he can wait
so what HAVE i been doing , some may ask.I'll try explaining that.I've been going crazy and am successful in continuing to do so ..because of the farewell that's coming up ..im not revealing anything in case any twelvethees have turned spies ! Really its annoyign the way they turn up in the auditorium when we are really bucking up for the big day ..
Other than that , ive been missing the before said person so much so again.It all started when i started reading this book called P.S. I love you .it made me cry so much and think about the people ive lost in this journey of my life. I keep rubbing my fingers against things i love right now , because i never really did care about things until they werelost and cant come back and so im trying my very best to stay at the persent , forget my past, stay connected to things and people i love , and continue loving life how many ever times it tries to diss me off..
Writing really takes me to another level.This is one thing ive realised in the past few days , especially poetry .Its something like home, the smell of a bedsheet you use everyday,like the rubberband you throw around like you dont care about but still go treasure hunting everymorning to tie up your hair decently .Yeah, poetry means a lotttt to me , and thank god ive realised that too..
Oh yeah, and ive realised so many more things these few days, i just cant explain every single thing, not only due to lack of time but also becase of the fact that i love to keep some small things to my self , but hey i never said i wasnt a blabber mouth :P
Oh yeah and i went to see rini madam's play and it was rockin :) though i have to truthfully accept that i didnt pay attention towards the end of the play ( due to elements like archit , janhavi and c, and coughing pills :)!!) i really liked the lights, the cat(shree)'s acting.
and oh yeah i'll leave you to peace for a while :)
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
jApAn
A country I haven’t been to.
A country similar to my motherland
A country facing the same troubles
As my very own
Japan, a country so dissimilar to my country
a place which is often thought as cold and inconsiderate
of neighboring countries
a land also thought self obsessed
A land so close to my heart now
It feels like im already there and rearing to explore
Its truths beyond all levels
Japan races regally ahead of us in
More ways than one
Sometimes I feel jealous, then I say
God! It’s none of your business
Then again
It’s the only country
In history of the world
To have been the victim
Of nuclear holocaust
I sympathize, I empathize
It’s a country
I still claim to know little about
Its politics and culture still a mystery
To a lay man
Sigh.
Well, im a confused homosapien
Now trying to continue
To enrich my experiences
That makes this saga
Of discovering Japan
At 16
A country similar to my motherland
A country facing the same troubles
As my very own
Japan, a country so dissimilar to my country
a place which is often thought as cold and inconsiderate
of neighboring countries
a land also thought self obsessed
A land so close to my heart now
It feels like im already there and rearing to explore
Its truths beyond all levels
Japan races regally ahead of us in
More ways than one
Sometimes I feel jealous, then I say
God! It’s none of your business
Then again
It’s the only country
In history of the world
To have been the victim
Of nuclear holocaust
I sympathize, I empathize
It’s a country
I still claim to know little about
Its politics and culture still a mystery
To a lay man
Sigh.
Well, im a confused homosapien
Now trying to continue
To enrich my experiences
That makes this saga
Of discovering Japan
At 16
Sunday, September 30, 2007
silence is golden.I've just realised that..& more
Well...no ive not gone mad and thrown my phone into the gutter..I've just been so pre-occupied..not just by emptiness, but stuff ...like how I'm going to deal with my horrible performance in the quarterly and yeah how to deal with some friends ,who've started acting very weird ..how to act with some teachers and how not to with others ..how to deal with your past when its staring at your face, when you've been thinking, all this while, it was safe in your forgotten list ..
ahh well ..im no perfect person ..but i did find some answers
well , marks will ALWAYS come and ALWAYS go ..you just cant do anything about it .i just put in my best ..and got marks marginally better than in mid term ..and you know ? because of a friend ....im actually happy with them :) ....
well about the friend acting weird..well i just can't help it ..Im already going through so much pressure to do well in every single thing i give a shot at ..so well ..id just say tough luck to myself and move on
About the teachers part ? ive still not found answers ..all of them are acting so weird ! i dont know what the want ? whether its my blood or marks ..ive still not figured out ! all i know is its not my problem ..i cant change my ways just because they dont like it ..i mean what the hell , im scoring decent ..its not they who can rule my life
The past part ? well ..um its kind of haunting me still ..really dnt know what to do ..im missing some one from my past like crazy ..im crying ..bawling ..writing something in the name of poetry..just for that person ..but of couurse i know that person cant cme back .i have to face it and its eight years and running since the war against my to-forget list has been on ..im still at war ,neither defeated nor triumphed
ahh well..life is weird ..and im yet to be ready for it..but im still armed ..
me and my armada
waiting in silence
will the strength of my past
resurrect ?
To help me move on ?
to acheive something
real ?
ahh well ..im no perfect person ..but i did find some answers
well , marks will ALWAYS come and ALWAYS go ..you just cant do anything about it .i just put in my best ..and got marks marginally better than in mid term ..and you know ? because of a friend ....im actually happy with them :) ....
well about the friend acting weird..well i just can't help it ..Im already going through so much pressure to do well in every single thing i give a shot at ..so well ..id just say tough luck to myself and move on
About the teachers part ? ive still not found answers ..all of them are acting so weird ! i dont know what the want ? whether its my blood or marks ..ive still not figured out ! all i know is its not my problem ..i cant change my ways just because they dont like it ..i mean what the hell , im scoring decent ..its not they who can rule my life
The past part ? well ..um its kind of haunting me still ..really dnt know what to do ..im missing some one from my past like crazy ..im crying ..bawling ..writing something in the name of poetry..just for that person ..but of couurse i know that person cant cme back .i have to face it and its eight years and running since the war against my to-forget list has been on ..im still at war ,neither defeated nor triumphed
ahh well..life is weird ..and im yet to be ready for it..but im still armed ..
me and my armada
waiting in silence
will the strength of my past
resurrect ?
To help me move on ?
to acheive something
real ?
Monday, September 17, 2007
symphony of thoughts
every single day used to be a new day for me. the things that happen everyday used to be the same though..
but now ..everything has changed ..many new incidents,some for the good some for the bad ..some for both ..but one thing has definitely changed-no one is the same anymore .
dark shades of emotions cross me by
everyday
the dementor hovers over
sucking
happiness out of me..
whether there is anything to be happy about
is food for thought
kaleidoscope of thoughts
they twist and turn
make shadows in the void filling my head
Sudden balls of fire
breathing and angry
seldom avoidable
spread over my thoughts
like butter on bread
sheilding me from
seeing sense
the fury angst, temper
filling me
for reasons unknown
camouflage my true intentions
intuitions
goals
in life
but now ..everything has changed ..many new incidents,some for the good some for the bad ..some for both ..but one thing has definitely changed-no one is the same anymore .
dark shades of emotions cross me by
everyday
the dementor hovers over
sucking
happiness out of me..
whether there is anything to be happy about
is food for thought
kaleidoscope of thoughts
they twist and turn
make shadows in the void filling my head
Sudden balls of fire
breathing and angry
seldom avoidable
spread over my thoughts
like butter on bread
sheilding me from
seeing sense
the fury angst, temper
filling me
for reasons unknown
camouflage my true intentions
intuitions
goals
in life
Friday, August 10, 2007
TiLL mY lAsT bReAtH ....
I am deaf .As in not “deaf” deaf, like I can hear the clear water of Niagara Falls, the loud thumping stereo system, my grand mother’s morning prayers. its the cricket’s chirp, headlines kept at low volume and my dog chestnut’s whines are what I miss out. With my hearing aid that is.
To be quite honest, I kind of like my deafness, To be honest, It wasn't easy the first few years after the car accident but now it's become something that makes me special among my friends. By the time I lost my hearing, I'd already accumulated a fixed circle of people, and they mostly rushed to participate in the drama.
I love it when my friends introduce me to new people, although I never let on. I love the proud and honorable expression they wear when they say "This is Nandy- she's deaf", as if I were evidence of their benevolence. I also love the split-second shocked expression on the new people, the hasty smiles and their best imitations of what they think of as their "normal faces". If they do the ritual well enough I turn my head ever so slightly and tuck my hair behind one of my ears, whichever one's closer to them. They never fail to say something nice about my sleek hearing aids.
Hearing aids make better accessories than the usual earrings and necklace, to be truthful. I’ve got this whole collection of hearing aids.
Usually, when people form friends as a group, each member gets a name. Its not like its chosen or anything, it just clicks with the situation. Mine is Nandy-the deaf girl…no, no don’t wrinkle your brows! its not something that’s meant to be rude even though it kind of highlights the fact that god has deprived me of my sense of hearing, but no it’s a simple name I chose … It fits perfect, because iwas never and am not good in anything specifically. This name also makes me stand out, actually more than stand out, because quite a number of things wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for my scarlet and gold hearing aids.
For example, the thing with Arun.
I first met Arun in an apartment party held by one of my friends, Sana .He happened to be her neighbour.The usual intro, and we were friends.
We were searching for our share of coke, when Sana went to meet someone at the door. This
Was the part where we were alone for the first time...I mean of course, loud silence was there for company "Do you usually read lips like this? Or do you sign too?" he asked after a while.
"I mostly just read lips because it was easier to pick up than signing, although that's not the only reason I was staring at your lips," I told him.
That sharp cold piece of silence was shattered when we started laughing, Of course I couldn’t hear him. Just his lips and my silent assumption of his laughter.
We did the usual and exchanged numbers, and a week later Arun did the unthinkable and called. We went out, satisfied ourselves that the other person still looked good in sober daylight, and read more lips. Within two months Arun and I were dating.
Our first birthday was his 19th...I got him tickets for the JRO concert...”Are you sure you can enjoy it Nandy?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern. I actually felt sad for him, I mean he couldn’t have a normal happy life, just and only because of me.
I felt awkward and weirded out. Where was this leading us to?
“Yeah, if its loud enough Ar, and the concert being JRo...I trust it to be ear-splitting!”
that tiny little piece of silence melted into nothingness as we smiled at each other, knowingly.
How many more times of these loud silences? How many times will he sacrifice for me? How long will it last?
These were the questions that were tearing my head apart.
I couldn’t take it any longer… I didn’t want someone to suffer because of me …
So, I wrote this
That day I met you
My heart did something.
I’ll never forgive her
She made me yearn for you
To make you mine.
You figured.
Why do you care so much?
About this deaf dumb girl
So full of nothingness
Spread-eagled on your desk
Lies this letter of mine
Begging you to forget
Me
And my deafness
-Nandy
I walked down the road leading to my house, away from his. He had been fast asleep when I went there. Guilt twisted my heart, for reasons I’m not aware of. I was just saving someone from sharing my misery, throughout his life. Sigh.
Things have never gone my way. Will they go now? The guilty part of me wanted it all back, back to the beginning, trying to learn from each other.
The other, full of happiness, reasons unknown.
Well, God does turns things the way you always wanted, but always scared to voice out. He came back
Nandy
When I say your name
It brings me
Memories of you
Your beauty
Your ways
Everything.
I cannot
Ever
Be without you.
Kill me, if you think
Otherwise
I will love you
Till my last breath
We are back together, forever.
To be quite honest, I kind of like my deafness, To be honest, It wasn't easy the first few years after the car accident but now it's become something that makes me special among my friends. By the time I lost my hearing, I'd already accumulated a fixed circle of people, and they mostly rushed to participate in the drama.
I love it when my friends introduce me to new people, although I never let on. I love the proud and honorable expression they wear when they say "This is Nandy- she's deaf", as if I were evidence of their benevolence. I also love the split-second shocked expression on the new people, the hasty smiles and their best imitations of what they think of as their "normal faces". If they do the ritual well enough I turn my head ever so slightly and tuck my hair behind one of my ears, whichever one's closer to them. They never fail to say something nice about my sleek hearing aids.
Hearing aids make better accessories than the usual earrings and necklace, to be truthful. I’ve got this whole collection of hearing aids.
Usually, when people form friends as a group, each member gets a name. Its not like its chosen or anything, it just clicks with the situation. Mine is Nandy-the deaf girl…no, no don’t wrinkle your brows! its not something that’s meant to be rude even though it kind of highlights the fact that god has deprived me of my sense of hearing, but no it’s a simple name I chose … It fits perfect, because iwas never and am not good in anything specifically. This name also makes me stand out, actually more than stand out, because quite a number of things wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for my scarlet and gold hearing aids.
For example, the thing with Arun.
I first met Arun in an apartment party held by one of my friends, Sana .He happened to be her neighbour.The usual intro, and we were friends.
We were searching for our share of coke, when Sana went to meet someone at the door. This
Was the part where we were alone for the first time...I mean of course, loud silence was there for company "Do you usually read lips like this? Or do you sign too?" he asked after a while.
"I mostly just read lips because it was easier to pick up than signing, although that's not the only reason I was staring at your lips," I told him.
That sharp cold piece of silence was shattered when we started laughing, Of course I couldn’t hear him. Just his lips and my silent assumption of his laughter.
We did the usual and exchanged numbers, and a week later Arun did the unthinkable and called. We went out, satisfied ourselves that the other person still looked good in sober daylight, and read more lips. Within two months Arun and I were dating.
Our first birthday was his 19th...I got him tickets for the JRO concert...”Are you sure you can enjoy it Nandy?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern. I actually felt sad for him, I mean he couldn’t have a normal happy life, just and only because of me.
I felt awkward and weirded out. Where was this leading us to?
“Yeah, if its loud enough Ar, and the concert being JRo...I trust it to be ear-splitting!”
that tiny little piece of silence melted into nothingness as we smiled at each other, knowingly.
How many more times of these loud silences? How many times will he sacrifice for me? How long will it last?
These were the questions that were tearing my head apart.
I couldn’t take it any longer… I didn’t want someone to suffer because of me …
So, I wrote this
That day I met you
My heart did something.
I’ll never forgive her
She made me yearn for you
To make you mine.
You figured.
Why do you care so much?
About this deaf dumb girl
So full of nothingness
Spread-eagled on your desk
Lies this letter of mine
Begging you to forget
Me
And my deafness
-Nandy
I walked down the road leading to my house, away from his. He had been fast asleep when I went there. Guilt twisted my heart, for reasons I’m not aware of. I was just saving someone from sharing my misery, throughout his life. Sigh.
Things have never gone my way. Will they go now? The guilty part of me wanted it all back, back to the beginning, trying to learn from each other.
The other, full of happiness, reasons unknown.
Well, God does turns things the way you always wanted, but always scared to voice out. He came back
Nandy
When I say your name
It brings me
Memories of you
Your beauty
Your ways
Everything.
I cannot
Ever
Be without you.
Kill me, if you think
Otherwise
I will love you
Till my last breath
We are back together, forever.
Monday, June 18, 2007
A FALLING Leaf
All my life, I've dreamed of being a senior, being a captain, sporting that attitude that defines a "eleventhee"! But here I am, getting worked up for every single thing, doing EVERYSINGLE day's homework, waking up to find that I've slept over my books the previous night, rushing to school to make it before my class teacher finds out I'm late, making sure I'm getting every word the teachers utter, You know what ?
I WANT TO REWIND MY LIFE !
I'm sick of my life, except for this one NEW factor in my life ( which most of you know, im guessing) well,other than that and my good ol' friends there's nothing to lift my mood up when im down,im becoming lethargic and tired and stressed out , and it is affecting me internally also ! ive lost like 5 kgs in a week , i puke every single day, its like my board exam period is repeating itself ! (urm just that there IS no exam rightnow!)
My sports day is coming up, and ooooh guess where its going to be held this time around ?? MADRAS CORPORATION ground where all these weirdos end up coming and oggling at us when we go there for some running practice and now it will be like PARADISE for them :(
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, and oh you want the cherry topping of it all? once, we move on to eleventh all the senior teachers teach us , and now i found out that all our senior teachers are thinking our batch is educationally handicapped, even though we excelled in the boards , woah it feels great you know :(
I'm just trying to hold back my tears when I'm writing this, i dont't know where my life is heading!
I just know i have people who care for me , and that god really doesnt like me much, late realisation i know,well it wouldnt have mattered anyway if i had found out earlier , would it ?
P.s:ok im writing this when im really down , dont mean to hurt anyone from my school , or my schools "prestige" , just ranting about ...
I WANT TO REWIND MY LIFE !
I'm sick of my life, except for this one NEW factor in my life ( which most of you know, im guessing) well,other than that and my good ol' friends there's nothing to lift my mood up when im down,im becoming lethargic and tired and stressed out , and it is affecting me internally also ! ive lost like 5 kgs in a week , i puke every single day, its like my board exam period is repeating itself ! (urm just that there IS no exam rightnow!)
My sports day is coming up, and ooooh guess where its going to be held this time around ?? MADRAS CORPORATION ground where all these weirdos end up coming and oggling at us when we go there for some running practice and now it will be like PARADISE for them :(
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, and oh you want the cherry topping of it all? once, we move on to eleventh all the senior teachers teach us , and now i found out that all our senior teachers are thinking our batch is educationally handicapped, even though we excelled in the boards , woah it feels great you know :(
I'm just trying to hold back my tears when I'm writing this, i dont't know where my life is heading!
I just know i have people who care for me , and that god really doesnt like me much, late realisation i know,well it wouldnt have mattered anyway if i had found out earlier , would it ?
P.s:ok im writing this when im really down , dont mean to hurt anyone from my school , or my schools "prestige" , just ranting about ...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
travelling toad ,back to spoil your mood !
OMG I've missed blogging terribly ! Had a problem with the blogger.com site actually ..i guess it didnt want me to update but ahh well who can stop me when I've decided to do something lol ..*god why do i sound so leonine all the time lol*
Anyway , I've got loads to fill in here ...how my holidays went(well they're still going on) ..how my poem got published but i forgot to mention it in my own lill bloggy !!And how I'm continuing to be my weird self :)
To start it off,after the initial anxiety and excitement ,my relieving period started ....it actually sunk into my skin that this is the TIME OF MY LIFE ..this is when i join all the classes i want to ,watch all the movies i can ,hang out in every hang out in chennai ,write all i want ,read books of my choice ,catch up with evergrowing movie list ....well in other words ..i had the license to FREAK OUT
And that's partly true ...if not completely ! i actually joined this one art class ..it starts tommorow ..I just love art ..have i mentioned that before ..i love painting ,sketching ,just anything! have developed this new found love for it ..! ..so yeah other than that i havent joined many classes that i inteb\nded to ..but well i made up the loss by watching loads n loads of movies ..
well next comes my trip to Thailand-Singapore-Malaysia !!oh my -i had the time of my life !!From water skiing to jet skiing to para-sailing to witness my sister's friend being asked out by a british guy to falling in love with Thailand malls to taking a photo with a cheetah and chimp to hugging a snowman at -6 degree celcius to conversing with one of my favorite reporters to getting stranded in the Thailand airport for over three hours ...I was there ...Did it it all !
And and I have to mention all the movies I've watched till now ..well actually the list is small since i wasn't in chennai half the time ... anyways ,me saw Tara rum pum,Spidey 3 (i actually liked it while none i know loved it a wee bit :(:(,Dreamer,Unnaale Unnaale ,Pride and prejudice for the nth time,shrek for the fifth time and i guess thats it .sadly !
ohh yeah then comes the news ..Well all of you must be knowing by now ..well through MBS at least (aka ManasaBroadcastingSystem )..that my poem "The Harsh World" with a little minor changes made it to this book called "Poetic musings" ,an yearly anthology published by this website called "www.thepoetsanctuary.com" which I'm a member of :):)
ohhh yeah not to mention the shopping sprees I've been having with my cousin Priya akka ..hehe shes getting married on june 25 ..so we are having a blast !! from spencers to citi centre to almost every shop in the city ! sarees ,dhavani (traditional south indian half saree) to indian print skirts to jewellery to winter clothes(she's going to settle down in the U.K) to thai outfits !! hehe It's been so so so so much funnnnnn !!
Ok, mesa(aka me, a word ORIGINALLY MADE UP by my friend mani,since he was really offended when i said he flicked it from someplace ) shall continue my rantings after i do something useful :)
take care
cheers !
Anyway , I've got loads to fill in here ...how my holidays went(well they're still going on) ..how my poem got published but i forgot to mention it in my own lill bloggy !!And how I'm continuing to be my weird self :)
To start it off,after the initial anxiety and excitement ,my relieving period started ....it actually sunk into my skin that this is the TIME OF MY LIFE ..this is when i join all the classes i want to ,watch all the movies i can ,hang out in every hang out in chennai ,write all i want ,read books of my choice ,catch up with evergrowing movie list ....well in other words ..i had the license to FREAK OUT
And that's partly true ...if not completely ! i actually joined this one art class ..it starts tommorow ..I just love art ..have i mentioned that before ..i love painting ,sketching ,just anything! have developed this new found love for it ..! ..so yeah other than that i havent joined many classes that i inteb\nded to ..but well i made up the loss by watching loads n loads of movies ..
well next comes my trip to Thailand-Singapore-Malaysia !!oh my -i had the time of my life !!From water skiing to jet skiing to para-sailing to witness my sister's friend being asked out by a british guy to falling in love with Thailand malls to taking a photo with a cheetah and chimp to hugging a snowman at -6 degree celcius to conversing with one of my favorite reporters to getting stranded in the Thailand airport for over three hours ...I was there ...Did it it all !
And and I have to mention all the movies I've watched till now ..well actually the list is small since i wasn't in chennai half the time ... anyways ,me saw Tara rum pum,Spidey 3 (i actually liked it while none i know loved it a wee bit :(:(,Dreamer,Unnaale Unnaale ,Pride and prejudice for the nth time,shrek for the fifth time and i guess thats it .sadly !
ohh yeah then comes the news ..Well all of you must be knowing by now ..well through MBS at least (aka ManasaBroadcastingSystem )..that my poem "The Harsh World" with a little minor changes made it to this book called "Poetic musings" ,an yearly anthology published by this website called "www.thepoetsanctuary.com" which I'm a member of :):)
ohhh yeah not to mention the shopping sprees I've been having with my cousin Priya akka ..hehe shes getting married on june 25 ..so we are having a blast !! from spencers to citi centre to almost every shop in the city ! sarees ,dhavani (traditional south indian half saree) to indian print skirts to jewellery to winter clothes(she's going to settle down in the U.K) to thai outfits !! hehe It's been so so so so much funnnnnn !!
Ok, mesa(aka me, a word ORIGINALLY MADE UP by my friend mani,since he was really offended when i said he flicked it from someplace ) shall continue my rantings after i do something useful :)
take care
cheers !
Sunday, March 25, 2007
OMG
omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg ...hey did i mention omg !!!!!!!
my HUGE freaking exams r freakin overrrrrrrrrrr ..omggggggggggg!!!!!!!!
just have a small test left n then its all over !!!omgggggggggg
n yeah my bloggy is a year old!! my baby :)
hehe tanx al u peeps hoo patiently read it n commented :):):):):):P
neway me too hyper now ..will update blog once my fever is gone...feeling sick now ...
tc
peace
my HUGE freaking exams r freakin overrrrrrrrrrr ..omggggggggggg!!!!!!!!
just have a small test left n then its all over !!!omgggggggggg
n yeah my bloggy is a year old!! my baby :)
hehe tanx al u peeps hoo patiently read it n commented :):):):):):P
neway me too hyper now ..will update blog once my fever is gone...feeling sick now ...
tc
peace
Sunday, March 18, 2007
sAcHiN tEnDuLkAr
He made sure
His name became a commoner’s
He made sure he deserved
Every piece of life that’s thrust into him
He rallied away all the politics
Surrounding his career…
He became the best
Of all in the world of cricket
It’s a game of the mind
And the relationship the players
Share
He personified
And molded and cast
Himself as the best in the game
And continues the same
Many worship him
Many more admire him
Many more believe in having faith in god
Because here’s a guy who looks like
He’s signed a contract with the lord himself
The causative factor for
Quiet noises, fervent prayers,
Strained whispers, and ringing slogans
Is him …
He was there right from the beginning
And will be till the end
For us to depend on, lean on
And live a half life being him
Yeah, he’s sachin tendulkar
[PSSST:-- this poem is not applicable to the person mentioned above cuz he got our for less than ten runs against the disastrous loss against minnows bangladesh !! hehe
(sorry i'm a typical indian cricket fan !)]
His name became a commoner’s
He made sure he deserved
Every piece of life that’s thrust into him
He rallied away all the politics
Surrounding his career…
He became the best
Of all in the world of cricket
It’s a game of the mind
And the relationship the players
Share
He personified
And molded and cast
Himself as the best in the game
And continues the same
Many worship him
Many more admire him
Many more believe in having faith in god
Because here’s a guy who looks like
He’s signed a contract with the lord himself
The causative factor for
Quiet noises, fervent prayers,
Strained whispers, and ringing slogans
Is him …
He was there right from the beginning
And will be till the end
For us to depend on, lean on
And live a half life being him
Yeah, he’s sachin tendulkar
[PSSST:-- this poem is not applicable to the person mentioned above cuz he got our for less than ten runs against the disastrous loss against minnows bangladesh !! hehe
(sorry i'm a typical indian cricket fan !)]
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
aye' captain over n out
'breathe in, breathe out' is all i can manage to whisper as my life goes on n on ...n this year ill be a sour sixteen years old ...not a bit of sweetness i can trust as the years go by ...in the end im all alone ...pushed on to write exams ..forced to take a group out of the meagre two options available to me...both i think are useless ...because all i want to do in the end is journalism ..become a reporter ..find the truth lurking behind the screen of commercial advertisements and pretences...i want to be as right as the rain for once in my life ...leaving my worries in an unknown place a.k.a my heart ...
almost everyone i know has one person they completely depend on ..outright ...life is not the same without that person ..n well all i know is im still 'searching' for a person like that ..be it a friend or the most expected 'boyfriend' which i think i will never have the fortune of having !...
it's actually better that way for now you know ...all mah worries-i jus yap it off with mah friends ,family,strangers ...
have a bundle of exams waiting for me ...wrote one today ...kinda wrote in 1 hr roughly ..so i guess the frequent examining is kinda helping me out ..at least its helping me increasing the speed at which i crap !
might not blog for a long time from today ...so hope u guys njoy ur lives till then !!!
hehe take kare n pray for the tenthies ever to write any boards from now on at least !!!
BIG HUG N BIG TATA
almost everyone i know has one person they completely depend on ..outright ...life is not the same without that person ..n well all i know is im still 'searching' for a person like that ..be it a friend or the most expected 'boyfriend' which i think i will never have the fortune of having !...
it's actually better that way for now you know ...all mah worries-i jus yap it off with mah friends ,family,strangers ...
have a bundle of exams waiting for me ...wrote one today ...kinda wrote in 1 hr roughly ..so i guess the frequent examining is kinda helping me out ..at least its helping me increasing the speed at which i crap !
might not blog for a long time from today ...so hope u guys njoy ur lives till then !!!
hehe take kare n pray for the tenthies ever to write any boards from now on at least !!!
BIG HUG N BIG TATA
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
cold lines
Snow drops melt
To form a trace of their existence
On my window panel
Im freezing …
With no one to melt me back
To what I was made of
Im stung by the freshness
Nature is offering me
Making my nose all pink n cold
Something different
Something I chose as my dream
Im working hard to get off this feeling
Of loneliness and misery
After all, this is what I wanted to study
The elements of nature
In its raw stature
I brace my self up
To face all that life has scripted for me
In this chilly place
Be it snow drops or waves
If it is my dream it is meant only for me…
To form a trace of their existence
On my window panel
Im freezing …
With no one to melt me back
To what I was made of
Im stung by the freshness
Nature is offering me
Making my nose all pink n cold
Something different
Something I chose as my dream
Im working hard to get off this feeling
Of loneliness and misery
After all, this is what I wanted to study
The elements of nature
In its raw stature
I brace my self up
To face all that life has scripted for me
In this chilly place
Be it snow drops or waves
If it is my dream it is meant only for me…
Thursday, November 23, 2006
rUdEnEsS pErSoNiFiEd
A rude world is what I see ….all sides all dimensions …..No fear …just plain rude …want their work done ….no kind of extra interest or knowledge in anybody else’s work
….the very purpose of living is undefined for them …
‘Mam, I want an answer sheet’....’yes one second let me sign it and give you’…’mam I want answer sheet NOW’ is what I heard today ...in my examination room …the poor old teacher didn’t even have time to stop and explain to the girl her difficulty in walking fast and just thrust it at her neighbor to pass it on …I just spaced off during my exam thinking..How rude can the world get …is there some kind of limit or were we just born to achieve our own needs? then the buzzer rang indicating the completion of an hour and I had two hours more and I hadn’t even finished 20% of the paper …so my consciousness
Got the better of me and I did finish the paper well before the others …
But really …does anything go thru the person when they are being rude...Or is it just instinct …or in the genes …or just carelessness...Don’t they ever feel alone...Uncared for …get headaches …don’t they ever be inefficient or are they perfection personified all the time ?
Does anyone feel the way I do about a particular thing? …no…every person is made with different steel within …that’s what makes this world bearable …other than the usual traumas ….’teachers don’t mean what they say when they are cross with you’ Is one of da MOST common sayings in mah school …well at least that’s what my friends say to comfort me the umpteen number of times my project gets shouted at or my inability to remember that particular answer !...but DO they ? Shouldn’t they be knowing the best interests of the child …haven’t they ever done something wrong in their schooldays …do they know the traumas of today …the vagaries of my heart.the loud thudding of my saintly heart when it senses fear when images of circuit diagram flow like a motion picture confusing me at different frequencies by the growing minute in my sleep?
Huh… try answering them ye all …one of my best friends just went through an operation before da exams and still was forced to write the paper and yupp she has managed to write all the papers ….that’s what my school expects ….puke or die ….YOU HAVE TO WRITE WRITE WRITE …yeah that lill twist turning into a smile might come on your face but that’s reality for me and well yeah might sound innocent and normal …but you know what ….
IT’S ANOTHER BOWL OF RUDENESS I HAVE TO SWALLOW EVERYDAY
….the very purpose of living is undefined for them …
‘Mam, I want an answer sheet’....’yes one second let me sign it and give you’…’mam I want answer sheet NOW’ is what I heard today ...in my examination room …the poor old teacher didn’t even have time to stop and explain to the girl her difficulty in walking fast and just thrust it at her neighbor to pass it on …I just spaced off during my exam thinking..How rude can the world get …is there some kind of limit or were we just born to achieve our own needs? then the buzzer rang indicating the completion of an hour and I had two hours more and I hadn’t even finished 20% of the paper …so my consciousness
Got the better of me and I did finish the paper well before the others …
But really …does anything go thru the person when they are being rude...Or is it just instinct …or in the genes …or just carelessness...Don’t they ever feel alone...Uncared for …get headaches …don’t they ever be inefficient or are they perfection personified all the time ?
Does anyone feel the way I do about a particular thing? …no…every person is made with different steel within …that’s what makes this world bearable …other than the usual traumas ….’teachers don’t mean what they say when they are cross with you’ Is one of da MOST common sayings in mah school …well at least that’s what my friends say to comfort me the umpteen number of times my project gets shouted at or my inability to remember that particular answer !...but DO they ? Shouldn’t they be knowing the best interests of the child …haven’t they ever done something wrong in their schooldays …do they know the traumas of today …the vagaries of my heart.the loud thudding of my saintly heart when it senses fear when images of circuit diagram flow like a motion picture confusing me at different frequencies by the growing minute in my sleep?
Huh… try answering them ye all …one of my best friends just went through an operation before da exams and still was forced to write the paper and yupp she has managed to write all the papers ….that’s what my school expects ….puke or die ….YOU HAVE TO WRITE WRITE WRITE …yeah that lill twist turning into a smile might come on your face but that’s reality for me and well yeah might sound innocent and normal …but you know what ….
IT’S ANOTHER BOWL OF RUDENESS I HAVE TO SWALLOW EVERYDAY
Saturday, October 28, 2006
diwali dhamaka
diwali ...i like the way it's spelt to the way its celebrated ...everything about it ...usually i fall sick on all important days ..my bday ...pongal ..diwali ..etc ...but for a change this diwali my immune system showed its true inner strength n i managed without any particular illness ....enjoyed every bit of it
started the celebrations the day before diwali itself ...waited for my sister to turn up after work by painting diyas...watching tv.....mostly ndtv lol ....n yeah my sis came at last n we started putting flowers over the rangoli designs in the entrance of mah house n all ...then slept around 12 ...got up at like 6 am ...little late for my family waking up time tho ...(thts like 4 am on diwali n all)...
then sat thru pooja without fidgeting that much !....sang a song also ...i think i saw the gods closing their ears hehe ...then came all the hallaboo bout how we wer all looking in our brand new outfits ..lol i was called the 'Id' girl ...cuz well ...mine was a strawberry pink salwar stitched punjabi style and wore silver accessories so kinda looked like i was fasting lol so well the name just stuck on for a while
then came the bursting of crackers ..dint wanna ...but had to ..sigh wen do things happen myway !...then we went to mah uncs house ..tried to catch some stuff on tv but missed all the importan shows so jus lazed around for a change ...
ha then it became like evening n we went for early dinner to park shereton ...sigh dint like one bit of it ...but dint loose much saw actor prasanna (tamil)..yeah hes kinda toned down so lol was pretty much happy ...n yeah before tht we visited mah other gran's house ...me made a bag for her out of handmade chart paper ..hehe poor gran n filled it up with cadbury's stuff
then came back like ten ...sunk into bed n dassol !
neway had a great diwali ...n hope all of ya had a good time n watched all da programs on tv unlike me
neway see ya n keep well
manasa
started the celebrations the day before diwali itself ...waited for my sister to turn up after work by painting diyas...watching tv.....mostly ndtv lol ....n yeah my sis came at last n we started putting flowers over the rangoli designs in the entrance of mah house n all ...then slept around 12 ...got up at like 6 am ...little late for my family waking up time tho ...(thts like 4 am on diwali n all)...
then sat thru pooja without fidgeting that much !....sang a song also ...i think i saw the gods closing their ears hehe ...then came all the hallaboo bout how we wer all looking in our brand new outfits ..lol i was called the 'Id' girl ...cuz well ...mine was a strawberry pink salwar stitched punjabi style and wore silver accessories so kinda looked like i was fasting lol so well the name just stuck on for a while
then came the bursting of crackers ..dint wanna ...but had to ..sigh wen do things happen myway !...then we went to mah uncs house ..tried to catch some stuff on tv but missed all the importan shows so jus lazed around for a change ...
ha then it became like evening n we went for early dinner to park shereton ...sigh dint like one bit of it ...but dint loose much saw actor prasanna (tamil)..yeah hes kinda toned down so lol was pretty much happy ...n yeah before tht we visited mah other gran's house ...me made a bag for her out of handmade chart paper ..hehe poor gran n filled it up with cadbury's stuff
then came back like ten ...sunk into bed n dassol !
neway had a great diwali ...n hope all of ya had a good time n watched all da programs on tv unlike me
neway see ya n keep well
manasa
Friday, October 13, 2006
i,me,myself. again
um well hilary duff fans (excluding me)
dont get ngry wid the following poem ...kinda in line with her song which goes 'i am'
I am
A weirdo
A psychic
A sport
A creep
A poet
Wonderful
A worthless pile of mosquito droppings
A quieto
A creative pile of god’s junk
A verbal tissue
A terrible reminder of sins
A heart throb’s nightmare
A scare crow
An athlete
A movie buff
A singer in my own rights
An admirer of me
A Leo
A constant trouble to everyone
A predictor with a capital p
A bored humdrum
A cruiser thru my dreams
An achiever
A pig
A bore
A winner
A basketball player
A dancer in my own rights
A contributor to this world
A sicko
A non-workaholic
A last minute worker
Stagnant
A mood lifter
A spoiler of the same
An enthusiast
………………
I am me
dont get ngry wid the following poem ...kinda in line with her song which goes 'i am'
I am
A weirdo
A psychic
A sport
A creep
A poet
Wonderful
A worthless pile of mosquito droppings
A quieto
A creative pile of god’s junk
A verbal tissue
A terrible reminder of sins
A heart throb’s nightmare
A scare crow
An athlete
A movie buff
A singer in my own rights
An admirer of me
A Leo
A constant trouble to everyone
A predictor with a capital p
A bored humdrum
A cruiser thru my dreams
An achiever
A pig
A bore
A winner
A basketball player
A dancer in my own rights
A contributor to this world
A sicko
A non-workaholic
A last minute worker
Stagnant
A mood lifter
A spoiler of the same
An enthusiast
………………
I am me
Monday, October 09, 2006
wIsHiEs
Wish I cld make things better for ya
Wish I could change your world
Wish I could take charge of things
Wish I could make it all all right
Wish I could have made things better
Wish u hadn’t moved on
Wish I could have moved on with you
Wish I could take things back to what it was
Wish I could hold on to this loud silence between us
Wish u never go away
Wish I still form a part of your strongest muscle
Wish I could remove you from mine
Wish I could take care of myself
Wish I could take care of you
Wish we had ended off in the beginning
Wish it weren’t the beginning of an end
Friday, September 15, 2006
A pOeTiC TuNe tO mAh FeEliNgs
I’m in this world,
Where my fingers know
More than my mind
My heart, a vivid watcher
My imaginations,
My feelings
My desires
Take the full throttle front seat
It’s this feeling that keeps me,
Little of the sane I am
Or else what else cld have motivated me
Of all people to design a small part
Of winter collection for a show
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got an A grade
In the language in writing in
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got such great friends
To my credit
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have danced the right leg
To the right tune
To win the dance prize
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have done half the things
I’m getting credit for
If it weren’t for this feeling
I wouldn’t be me ....
Where my fingers know
More than my mind
My heart, a vivid watcher
My imaginations,
My feelings
My desires
Take the full throttle front seat
It’s this feeling that keeps me,
Little of the sane I am
Or else what else cld have motivated me
Of all people to design a small part
Of winter collection for a show
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got an A grade
In the language in writing in
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have got such great friends
To my credit
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have danced the right leg
To the right tune
To win the dance prize
If it weren’t for this feeling,
I wouldn’t have done half the things
I’m getting credit for
If it weren’t for this feeling
I wouldn’t be me ....
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
me against (as usual) myself
i want myself back
i want all dat i had back
im selfish
and i dont like to lose
especially in the game called life
i want to be the person i was
i want the people
who were, in the past, right next to me
i dont get it
how can i not be
if god himself is so selfish
im no angel im no devil
i cant hold back my pain, my tears,
my soul for so long
im breaking down
tearing apart
hating myself
i want myself back
i just want
what i had before
what i loved before
what i enjoyed before
who i cared for before
who i loved before
where i lived before
i became like this
i want my life back
please.god
i want all dat i had back
im selfish
and i dont like to lose
especially in the game called life
i want to be the person i was
i want the people
who were, in the past, right next to me
i dont get it
how can i not be
if god himself is so selfish
im no angel im no devil
i cant hold back my pain, my tears,
my soul for so long
im breaking down
tearing apart
hating myself
i want myself back
i just want
what i had before
what i loved before
what i enjoyed before
who i cared for before
who i loved before
where i lived before
i became like this
i want my life back
please.god
Saturday, August 26, 2006
~worthless~utterance~
sometimes u have to push urself to do some stuff ..immaterial of whether u wanna do it or not ....i did experiance this a while back ...i guess wayyyyyyyy while back ...i was forced to join basketball ..a cool game in its own way ...i joined bb coaching in 5th standard ...one word of objection n one whole controversy ...so better silence than severe words ....i shut... i played ....i played well ..
then mah team mates got jealous ..the usual cat comments cat fights wtv happened ...i din give one shit ...i was innocent
....i was one of the few hoo got recognition from mah bloody coach ....i din no he was so #$#@$%$&^&*@#!@ at tht time ....as usual ...favourites r not meant to stay ..i moved on ....or rather down according to him ....n pari replaced me ...i stood by the side ...silent ...inconspicuous ...vertically inclined ....silent again
i played along ...helped ....she converted ....i passed she converted ....i praised ...it got into her head......n all coach has got to say is ...DONT ATTEMPT ..PASS IT TO 'HER'....N YEAH RUN ...
we won the match today .. wid me chucked out in the first quarter ...praying wid all my fingernails bit to the very end ...praying wid my full heart ...mah coach jus sat down after two quaarters saying HE LOST HIS HOPE ...damniiit all of us got up n cheered on wid the score cards readin 0-9 ....fervent prayers screamin out of mah lungs...without mah own conciousness ....a hundred mispasses ...a 1000 erratic attempts n yeah we won ...
i dont want one heck of the damn glory shared by pari n s.u(another team mate) or poornima or shwetha ...i jus want ppl to realize
i want ppl to realize ...its not abt throwing out a team mate jus cuz she made two erratic attempts ,....n keeping in a #$#%#$^% player even if she takes 48727349834938 attempts ..one not reachin the basket ...its not abt passin mean comments .. its not abt playing ur best ..
its all bout trusting a person ...trusting to the extent tht u know she'll never letcha down ...keeping her weakness a shadow n not aa a sunshade ...its bout beleiving in ur team mates ...till the nth second ....its bout letting ur team mate call on ur cell even tho u know its gonna cost u all the rechrge uve got ...
its all bout putting ur heart to it
then mah team mates got jealous ..the usual cat comments cat fights wtv happened ...i din give one shit ...i was innocent
....i was one of the few hoo got recognition from mah bloody coach ....i din no he was so #$#@$%$&^&*@#!@ at tht time ....as usual ...favourites r not meant to stay ..i moved on ....or rather down according to him ....n pari replaced me ...i stood by the side ...silent ...inconspicuous ...vertically inclined ....silent again
i played along ...helped ....she converted ....i passed she converted ....i praised ...it got into her head......n all coach has got to say is ...DONT ATTEMPT ..PASS IT TO 'HER'....N YEAH RUN ...
we won the match today .. wid me chucked out in the first quarter ...praying wid all my fingernails bit to the very end ...praying wid my full heart ...mah coach jus sat down after two quaarters saying HE LOST HIS HOPE ...damniiit all of us got up n cheered on wid the score cards readin 0-9 ....fervent prayers screamin out of mah lungs...without mah own conciousness ....a hundred mispasses ...a 1000 erratic attempts n yeah we won ...
i dont want one heck of the damn glory shared by pari n s.u(another team mate) or poornima or shwetha ...i jus want ppl to realize
i want ppl to realize ...its not abt throwing out a team mate jus cuz she made two erratic attempts ,....n keeping in a #$#%#$^% player even if she takes 48727349834938 attempts ..one not reachin the basket ...its not abt passin mean comments .. its not abt playing ur best ..
its all bout trusting a person ...trusting to the extent tht u know she'll never letcha down ...keeping her weakness a shadow n not aa a sunshade ...its bout beleiving in ur team mates ...till the nth second ....its bout letting ur team mate call on ur cell even tho u know its gonna cost u all the rechrge uve got ...
its all bout putting ur heart to it
Friday, August 11, 2006
life undefined
That bulging curiosity …that fervor to kill someone …tht first second glance …that desire to hug someone but u know u its not possible ..that killer instinct that popped out of nowhere land….that emotion that makes ya wanna write ….that burning feeling when someone takes credit for what uve done ….that melting feeling when Jesse sings in my pod…that that heart crushing moment when u realize u cant love someone ….that nerve wracking moment when u know the answer but it just went next door leaving ya blank …that heart clenching moment when that small kid jumps to protect her father in crash …that he-cant-get-any-more-sweeter moment when shah rukh khan is on screen before he dies in kal ho na ho …..That tear-wellin moment whenya realize ur friend did something which is beyond cute for u …….
Well these r some moments which ive put together to define my life
Well these r some moments which ive put together to define my life
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