when i was

when i was 5 years ...i wanted to be like my father ..a brave advocate ...won every he dealt with ...
when i was 6 years ...i wanted to be like my teacher ...english teahcer ...raji mam ..she was chooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee n still my fav teacher evahhhhhhhhhhhhh

when i was 7 years...i wanted to be like my then friend nivedha ..she was so perfect in everything ...i wanted to be a replica of her

when i was 8years ...i wanted to be like anya ..an old friend again ...confident ....like the world belonged to her
when i was 9 years ...i joined my nu school aka dav ..i wanted to be like rashmi ..still a good friend of mine ...sincere innocent ...loving

when i was 10 yrs ...i wanted to be like this senior of mine called anjanakshi ...she was like ultra uber cool ...n was in her twelfth ..she was like god to me

when i was 11 ...major takeover for me ...into the sixth ..now my school was all girls school after sixth ..so i was all for all girls stuff n stupid things ...n used to love my then social teacher girija mam .... i was an admirer..
when i was twelve ..i was a very very weird girl ...did weird stuff..got into weird moods ...but well basically remained sane ...i had a crush on this HUGELY STUPID GUY ...n am still wonderin how i clda fallen for him !..but still i used to admire him tht time ..cant take it away !sigh

when i was thirteen ...i was like so excited fr everything ...leaving me tired and angry ...mad i was ..i used to admire my sc teacher ronita mam ...mannn EVERY SINGLE DRESS OF HERS ..SHE HAD A MATChN PAIR OF ACCESSORIES ...lol we made her sing kabhi alvide na kehna (old song) tht time ..mannnn it was awesummmmmmmmmmmm thts why im like so crazy behind this nu srk movie

when i was fourteen stresseddddddddddddd days ...ninth std ...record submissions ..bla bla...showin off wid mah lab coats ...lol ...got nu friends ...admired them then ...same level now too ....

when im gonna be fifteen ...i wanna be me ...i wanna prove myself ...to me ....wanna show off my talents ...get into WEIRD moods everr so often ...feel like killin myself at times ....get all tired out for sports practise sessions ..
now i admire me ...now i admire my emotional health ..i admire my depressions ...i admire 'things' n not people whoo go thru them ...cuz im goin thru much more than all ppl i wlda mentioned above ...maybe not as much as they r goin thru ...but atleast i have never gone thru so much way back from wen i was born until now ...staring into space drin the free times tht i get ...writin out crappy stuff like this whenver my math load is lesser compared to the day bfore...
i can go onnnn
but well dont watcha to fall on knees n beg me to stop ...hehe have tht much respect for ya ..
teeeeceeee
manasa

a stressed princess's story

a broken heart
a measly whisper
trying hard to get
out of this life a crisper

torn between two worlds i am
one,a lovely blissful one
no tensions no expectations
no one weighin on me a ton

another ...a stressed out invitation
neither am i able to reject or accept it
stuck in between
im just sitting around, hard hit

i shut my eyes tightly
my only means of evading fear
but still mah heart thumps away
sensing a tear

i move around
read a mag
listen to flipsyde
nothing happens
my eyes sag

raindrops come down
hard n forcefully
i stare at it
thinking cynically

why do i always feel,in this world
like an unwanted pound


all i say
adds upto a feeble sound ...

aS ThE TeaR fLoWs

a crushed soul i was wen i was seven ....seven yrs of pure innocence ...nothing to do ....jus njoy ur chilhood....many say childhood lasts till bout like 12 ...but nope ...not for me at least

i was shook back into reality when a loved one left me forever ...a person who i used to love...trust...trouble...shout at ...and in the end hug ....things changed i was thrust into a new school ...a very strict school compared to mah lovely lill old one ...yeah i have found GREAT friends ...via telephone ...via partnering via internet ...via writing ....n i dont even wanna count em ...now when im on the brink of fourteen years gonna b fifteen ...im faced wid challenges ....

pressure to study ...pressure to outshine...pressure to excel in everything except what im good at ....n oh yeah DEAl with the partiality mah school is known for ..no im not trying to put mah school down or nething ..its been a great number of years here ...won medals won friends ....got a hundred ..dealt with the 99s ...now im sighing ...a back ache ..a head ache ...filled with regret cuz im not able to concentrate on what am good at ...yet to make a decision on life ...journalist or designer ...commerce or science ...shld i show off mah dancing n writing skills even wen im put down by so called seniors ???

yeah i know ull be facing much more pressures than me ...pressures uncalled for ..

but first i hafta deal with myself n then get to know the tuffs faced by ya

im still grouching around ..wishing i cld die ....but staying alive for what i have acheived ...for people who have made me come so far ...for the things i might get to do later on in life ...