dew drops,
a pretty sight,
on a night so bright,
reflecting a world of blue and coziness,
a world so pure ...

jApAn

A country I haven’t been to.
A country similar to my motherland
A country facing the same troubles
As my very own

Japan, a country so dissimilar to my country
a place which is often thought as cold and inconsiderate
of neighboring countries
a land also thought self obsessed

A land so close to my heart now
It feels like im already there and rearing to explore
Its truths beyond all levels

Japan races regally ahead of us in
More ways than one
Sometimes I feel jealous, then I say
God! It’s none of your business

Then again
It’s the only country
In history of the world
To have been the victim
Of nuclear holocaust
I sympathize, I empathize

It’s a country
I still claim to know little about
Its politics and culture still a mystery
To a lay man

Sigh.

Well, im a confused homosapien
Now trying to continue
To enrich my experiences
That makes this saga
Of discovering Japan
At 16

silence is golden.I've just realised that..& more

Well...no ive not gone mad and thrown my phone into the gutter..I've just been so pre-occupied..not just by emptiness, but stuff ...like how I'm going to deal with my horrible performance in the quarterly and yeah how to deal with some friends ,who've started acting very weird ..how to act with some teachers and how not to with others ..how to deal with your past when its staring at your face, when you've been thinking, all this while, it was safe in your forgotten list ..

ahh well ..im no perfect person ..but i did find some answers

well , marks will ALWAYS come and ALWAYS go ..you just cant do anything about it .i just put in my best ..and got marks marginally better than in mid term ..and you know ? because of a friend ....im actually happy with them :) ....
well about the friend acting weird..well i just can't help it ..Im already going through so much pressure to do well in every single thing i give a shot at ..so well ..id just say tough luck to myself and move on

About the teachers part ? ive still not found answers ..all of them are acting so weird ! i dont know what the want ? whether its my blood or marks ..ive still not figured out ! all i know is its not my problem ..i cant change my ways just because they dont like it ..i mean what the hell , im scoring decent ..its not they who can rule my life

The past part ? well ..um its kind of haunting me still ..really dnt know what to do ..im missing some one from my past like crazy ..im crying ..bawling ..writing something in the name of poetry..just for that person ..but of couurse i know that person cant cme back .i have to face it and its eight years and running since the war against my to-forget list has been on ..im still at war ,neither defeated nor triumphed

ahh well..life is weird ..and im yet to be ready for it..but im still armed ..

me and my armada
waiting in silence
will the strength of my past
resurrect ?
To help me move on ?
to acheive something
real ?

symphony of thoughts

every single day used to be a new day for me. the things that happen everyday used to be the same though..
but now ..everything has changed ..many new incidents,some for the good some for the bad ..some for both ..but one thing has definitely changed-no one is the same anymore .

dark shades of emotions cross me by
everyday
the dementor hovers over
sucking
happiness out of me..
whether there is anything to be happy about
is food for thought

kaleidoscope of thoughts
they twist and turn
make shadows in the void filling my head

Sudden balls of fire
breathing and angry
seldom avoidable
spread over my thoughts
like butter on bread
sheilding me from
seeing sense

the fury angst, temper
filling me
for reasons unknown
camouflage my true intentions
intuitions
goals
in life

TiLL mY lAsT bReAtH ....

I am deaf .As in not “deaf” deaf, like I can hear the clear water of Niagara Falls, the loud thumping stereo system, my grand mother’s morning prayers. its the cricket’s chirp, headlines kept at low volume and my dog chestnut’s whines are what I miss out. With my hearing aid that is.

To be quite honest, I kind of like my deafness, To be honest, It wasn't easy the first few years after the car accident but now it's become something that makes me special among my friends. By the time I lost my hearing, I'd already accumulated a fixed circle of people, and they mostly rushed to participate in the drama.

I love it when my friends introduce me to new people, although I never let on. I love the proud and honorable expression they wear when they say "This is Nandy- she's deaf", as if I were evidence of their benevolence. I also love the split-second shocked expression on the new people, the hasty smiles and their best imitations of what they think of as their "normal faces". If they do the ritual well enough I turn my head ever so slightly and tuck my hair behind one of my ears, whichever one's closer to them. They never fail to say something nice about my sleek hearing aids.

Hearing aids make better accessories than the usual earrings and necklace, to be truthful. I’ve got this whole collection of hearing aids.

Usually, when people form friends as a group, each member gets a name. Its not like its chosen or anything, it just clicks with the situation. Mine is Nandy-the deaf girl…no, no don’t wrinkle your brows! its not something that’s meant to be rude even though it kind of highlights the fact that god has deprived me of my sense of hearing, but no it’s a simple name I chose … It fits perfect, because iwas never and am not good in anything specifically. This name also makes me stand out, actually more than stand out, because quite a number of things wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for my scarlet and gold hearing aids.

For example, the thing with Arun.

I first met Arun in an apartment party held by one of my friends, Sana .He happened to be her neighbour.The usual intro, and we were friends.

We were searching for our share of coke, when Sana went to meet someone at the door. This
Was the part where we were alone for the first time...I mean of course, loud silence was there for company "Do you usually read lips like this? Or do you sign too?" he asked after a while.


"I mostly just read lips because it was easier to pick up than signing, although that's not the only reason I was staring at your lips," I told him.

That sharp cold piece of silence was shattered when we started laughing, Of course I couldn’t hear him. Just his lips and my silent assumption of his laughter.

We did the usual and exchanged numbers, and a week later Arun did the unthinkable and called. We went out, satisfied ourselves that the other person still looked good in sober daylight, and read more lips. Within two months Arun and I were dating.

Our first birthday was his 19th...I got him tickets for the JRO concert...”Are you sure you can enjoy it Nandy?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern. I actually felt sad for him, I mean he couldn’t have a normal happy life, just and only because of me.

I felt awkward and weirded out. Where was this leading us to?

“Yeah, if its loud enough Ar, and the concert being JRo...I trust it to be ear-splitting!”
that tiny little piece of silence melted into nothingness as we smiled at each other, knowingly.

How many more times of these loud silences? How many times will he sacrifice for me? How long will it last?

These were the questions that were tearing my head apart.

I couldn’t take it any longer… I didn’t want someone to suffer because of me …

So, I wrote this

That day I met you
My heart did something.
I’ll never forgive her

She made me yearn for you
To make you mine.
You figured.

Why do you care so much?
About this deaf dumb girl
So full of nothingness

Spread-eagled on your desk
Lies this letter of mine
Begging you to forget

Me
And my deafness


-Nandy

I walked down the road leading to my house, away from his. He had been fast asleep when I went there. Guilt twisted my heart, for reasons I’m not aware of. I was just saving someone from sharing my misery, throughout his life. Sigh.

Things have never gone my way. Will they go now? The guilty part of me wanted it all back, back to the beginning, trying to learn from each other.

The other, full of happiness, reasons unknown.




Well, God does turns things the way you always wanted, but always scared to voice out. He came back


Nandy
When I say your name
It brings me
Memories of you
Your beauty
Your ways
Everything.

I cannot
Ever
Be without you.
Kill me, if you think
Otherwise
I will love you
Till my last breath

We are back together, forever.

A FALLING Leaf

All my life, I've dreamed of being a senior, being a captain, sporting that attitude that defines a "eleventhee"! But here I am, getting worked up for every single thing, doing EVERYSINGLE day's homework, waking up to find that I've slept over my books the previous night, rushing to school to make it before my class teacher finds out I'm late, making sure I'm getting every word the teachers utter, You know what ?
I WANT TO REWIND MY LIFE !

I'm sick of my life, except for this one NEW factor in my life ( which most of you know, im guessing) well,other than that and my good ol' friends there's nothing to lift my mood up when im down,im becoming lethargic and tired and stressed out , and it is affecting me internally also ! ive lost like 5 kgs in a week , i puke every single day, its like my board exam period is repeating itself ! (urm just that there IS no exam rightnow!)

My sports day is coming up, and ooooh guess where its going to be held this time around ?? MADRAS CORPORATION ground where all these weirdos end up coming and oggling at us when we go there for some running practice and now it will be like PARADISE for them :(

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, and oh you want the cherry topping of it all? once, we move on to eleventh all the senior teachers teach us , and now i found out that all our senior teachers are thinking our batch is educationally handicapped, even though we excelled in the boards , woah it feels great you know :(

I'm just trying to hold back my tears when I'm writing this, i dont't know where my life is heading!

I just know i have people who care for me , and that god really doesnt like me much, late realisation i know,well it wouldnt have mattered anyway if i had found out earlier , would it ?

P.s:ok im writing this when im really down , dont mean to hurt anyone from my school , or my schools "prestige" , just ranting about ...

travelling toad ,back to spoil your mood !

OMG I've missed blogging terribly ! Had a problem with the blogger.com site actually ..i guess it didnt want me to update but ahh well who can stop me when I've decided to do something lol ..*god why do i sound so leonine all the time lol*

Anyway , I've got loads to fill in here ...how my holidays went(well they're still going on) ..how my poem got published but i forgot to mention it in my own lill bloggy !!And how I'm continuing to be my weird self :)

To start it off,after the initial anxiety and excitement ,my relieving period started ....it actually sunk into my skin that this is the TIME OF MY LIFE ..this is when i join all the classes i want to ,watch all the movies i can ,hang out in every hang out in chennai ,write all i want ,read books of my choice ,catch up with evergrowing movie list ....well in other words ..i had the license to FREAK OUT

And that's partly true ...if not completely ! i actually joined this one art class ..it starts tommorow ..I just love art ..have i mentioned that before ..i love painting ,sketching ,just anything! have developed this new found love for it ..! ..so yeah other than that i havent joined many classes that i inteb\nded to ..but well i made up the loss by watching loads n loads of movies ..

well next comes my trip to Thailand-Singapore-Malaysia !!oh my -i had the time of my life !!From water skiing to jet skiing to para-sailing to witness my sister's friend being asked out by a british guy to falling in love with Thailand malls to taking a photo with a cheetah and chimp to hugging a snowman at -6 degree celcius to conversing with one of my favorite reporters to getting stranded in the Thailand airport for over three hours ...I was there ...Did it it all !

And and I have to mention all the movies I've watched till now ..well actually the list is small since i wasn't in chennai half the time ... anyways ,me saw Tara rum pum,Spidey 3 (i actually liked it while none i know loved it a wee bit :(:(,Dreamer,Unnaale Unnaale ,Pride and prejudice for the nth time,shrek for the fifth time and i guess thats it .sadly !




ohh yeah then comes the news ..Well all of you must be knowing by now ..well through MBS at least (aka ManasaBroadcastingSystem )..that my poem "The Harsh World" with a little minor changes made it to this book called "Poetic musings" ,an yearly anthology published by this website called "www.thepoetsanctuary.com" which I'm a member of :):)

ohhh yeah not to mention the shopping sprees I've been having with my cousin Priya akka ..hehe shes getting married on june 25 ..so we are having a blast !! from spencers to citi centre to almost every shop in the city ! sarees ,dhavani (traditional south indian half saree) to indian print skirts to jewellery to winter clothes(she's going to settle down in the U.K) to thai outfits !! hehe It's been so so so so much funnnnnn !!

Ok, mesa(aka me, a word ORIGINALLY MADE UP by my friend mani,since he was really offended when i said he flicked it from someplace ) shall continue my rantings after i do something useful :)

take care
cheers !

OMG

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg ...hey did i mention omg !!!!!!!


my HUGE freaking exams r freakin overrrrrrrrrrr ..omggggggggggg!!!!!!!!


just have a small test left n then its all over !!!omgggggggggg


n yeah my bloggy is a year old!! my baby :)

hehe tanx al u peeps hoo patiently read it n commented :):):):):):P

neway me too hyper now ..will update blog once my fever is gone...feeling sick now ...


tc
peace

sAcHiN tEnDuLkAr

He made sure
His name became a commoner’s
He made sure he deserved
Every piece of life that’s thrust into him

He rallied away all the politics
Surrounding his career…
He became the best
Of all in the world of cricket

It’s a game of the mind
And the relationship the players
Share
He personified
And molded and cast
Himself as the best in the game
And continues the same

Many worship him
Many more admire him
Many more believe in having faith in god
Because here’s a guy who looks like
He’s signed a contract with the lord himself

The causative factor for
Quiet noises, fervent prayers,
Strained whispers, and ringing slogans
Is him …

He was there right from the beginning
And will be till the end
For us to depend on, lean on
And live a half life being him

Yeah, he’s sachin tendulkar


[PSSST:-- this poem is not applicable to the person mentioned above cuz he got our for less than ten runs against the disastrous loss against minnows bangladesh !! hehe
(sorry i'm a typical indian cricket fan !)]

aye' captain over n out

'breathe in, breathe out' is all i can manage to whisper as my life goes on n on ...n this year ill be a sour sixteen years old ...not a bit of sweetness i can trust as the years go by ...in the end im all alone ...pushed on to write exams ..forced to take a group out of the meagre two options available to me...both i think are useless ...because all i want to do in the end is journalism ..become a reporter ..find the truth lurking behind the screen of commercial advertisements and pretences...i want to be as right as the rain for once in my life ...leaving my worries in an unknown place a.k.a my heart ...

almost everyone i know has one person they completely depend on ..outright ...life is not the same without that person ..n well all i know is im still 'searching' for a person like that ..be it a friend or the most expected 'boyfriend' which i think i will never have the fortune of having !...
it's actually better that way for now you know ...all mah worries-i jus yap it off with mah friends ,family,strangers ...

have a bundle of exams waiting for me ...wrote one today ...kinda wrote in 1 hr roughly ..so i guess the frequent examining is kinda helping me out ..at least its helping me increasing the speed at which i crap !


might not blog for a long time from today ...so hope u guys njoy ur lives till then !!!
hehe take kare n pray for the tenthies ever to write any boards from now on at least !!!

BIG HUG N BIG TATA